Responsibility

Protective Factor: Responsibility 

I think it is safe to say that we can all agree that responsibilities are a part of life. Even if sometimes we wish we had less responsibility, it doesn’t change the fact that as adults there are just things we have to do. I often think back to my childhood and teenage years and think about how great life was, when my biggest worry was what I was going to wear to school or what my me and my friends were going to do for fun. Today we are going to be talking about how responsibility is actually a protective factor for substance use.  

Teaching youth responsibility is so important for many reasons and is connected to many of the other protective factors we have discussed in past months. As youth enter their teenage years it is essential that they begin to learn responsibility in preparation for adulthood and leaving home. Teaching responsibility is actually something that we can and should begin to teach in Early Childhood. We talked briefly last month about how important it is for youth to learn skills before the leave home, because if they don’t it can make the transition to college life even more difficult and overwhelming for them. If we wait until the teenage or late teenage years to begin teaching our children responsibility, it is likely that we will find there is too much to teach and not enough time to make sure our children can learn all the skills they need without becoming overwhelmed and frustrated, which could potentially weaken the family bonds.  

Responsibility is going to look different for every child at every age. For example, a child in their toddler years may begin to learn responsibility by learning to throw away their trash when they are done with a snack, pick up their toys when they are done playing, or even learning to dress themselves. As children grow older and they have mastered these responsibilities, then it is time to add new ones to work on. A 5 year old child may learn how to brush their own teeth, feed a pet, help unload the groceries, or water the plants. A 10 year old child may have responsibilities such as helping set the table and prepare the meals, taking out the trash, cleaning the bathroom, and putting away or helping with laundry. A 15 year old may have responsibilities such as yardwork, laundry, cooking, cleaning, and possibly even a part-time job.  

It is important to remember that all of these responsibilities are skills that we must teach our children and give them a chance to master the skills before expecting them to complete the tasks independently. If we add in too many things at once our children could become overwhelmed and feel like giving up. When introducing a new responsibility to your child always explain why it is important that they learn that skill and how they will use it in their everyday life. Talk to your child about how they are growing older and tell them you are proud of them for all the responsibilities they manage. This will help your child see this responsibility as a part of growing and maturing, not as a form of punishment. 

So why is responsibility a protective factor? Responsibility provides accountability for youth. Responsibility also gives youth a sense of purpose and belonging in a family. Teaching responsibility from a young age helps prepare youth for life outside the home and ensures they have the skills they need to be successful in life. Responsibility also teaches youth how to prioritize their time, money, and efforts. As parents, we often feel tired and overwhelmed managing all the responsibilities that come with working, adulting, and especially parenting. You may find that as you work with your child to teach them responsibility it may also lessen your load and give you more time to focus on things you enjoy, which can in turn help strengthen the family bonds. Not sure where to start? Think about your child’s day from the time they wake up until the time they go to sleep. Make a list. What things do they do? What things are done for them? Are there any of the tasks you do that they could begin to take over or learn more about? Once you have a list of age-appropriate responsibilities for your child, it is time to prioritize. Decide which responsibility you would like your child to master first, then once they have mastered that responsibility move on in your list to the next one. You can keep doing this until your child has mastered all the things you had written, and most likely by that time you will begin to see other responsibilities that your child could begin to work on because you will see the growth that has come with having responsibility in the home.  

Risk Factor: Attending College

College. Many of the youth I work with associate this word with one thing, FREEDOM. It may not come as a surprise to you that attending college is a risk factor for youth substance use. Of course, there are obvious reasons like the lack of adult supervision and changes in expectations. There may be some other reasons that contribute to youth using substances that you may not have thought about. You may feel that as a parent or caregiver that there isn’t anything you can do about it since they are no longer living with you, but we are going to discuss strategies you can implement and other protective factors that may help you protect your child against youth substance use.  

Let’s begin by talking about the reasons many college students are at a higher risk for using substances. The first and possibly most obvious reason is the lack of adult supervision. Especially for youth who come from a household with lots of parental monitoring, the newfound freedom of living on their own may cause some youth to go a little too far. The expectations of parents or caregivers are no longer being monitored, and it may seem to the youth that there are no longer any consequences of not following their parents’ expectations.  Another reason is that college can be extremely stressful. Many youths may find the academic portion or the responsibilities that come with living on your own to be extremely overwhelming. Often, this stress and overwhelming feeling can cause youth to develop unhealthy coping mechanisms and lead to substance use. Another risk factor that comes into play when youth attend college is having friends who use substances. When youth go to college, they are often forced to make new friends and may feel the need to use substances to ‘fit in’ with a new crowd. It is possible that using alcohol and other drugs may become the norm of the people they are around, and we know that these norms can also put them at a greater risk for using substances. 

Now that we have established many of the reasons that going to college may put youth at a higher risk for using substances. Let’s talk about what you can do about it as a parent. It may seem like you have lost control and there isn’t much you can do once your child is out of the home, but as a parent there are things you can do. The most important work you can do to prevent youth substance use in college occurs before they leave home. You aren’t going to be there to monitor your child’s behavior while they are away at college, so your expectations may have to shift. We know that a crucial part of effective family management is not only having expectations, but also being able to monitor the behavior to see if those expectations are being met. Since you will no longer be able to monitor the expectations like coming home at curfew or checking their room for substances, you may find that you have to shift your expectations to things you can measure. Instead of the expectation being no drinking allowed, the expectation may shift for a college student to passing all their classes that semester. This is when the important conversation can come into play with your child. Talk to your child and explain to them that just because there is no longer a parental given consequence for staying out all night, there is still a consequence to that behavior. Talk to your child about how that consequence might play out like not making it to class on time or not being well rested for an exam. Then, reinforce to your child that your expectation is that they pass all of their classes that semester. You can monitor this expectation by asking your child for a copy of their grades once they are posted.  

Let’s talk about stress. College can be stressful for lots of reasons. The overwhelming workload, hard classes, learning to balance work and free time, learning the responsibility of living on your own, working a job, financial stress.. I could go on, but basically we know that the transition of going to college can ultimately be very stressful for youth and stress can lead to substance use. Here are a few things you can do to help your child manage the stress that comes with college. There are two things you can do to help your child before they ever leave home. The first is to teach them skills. Laundry, cooking, cleaning, budgeting, waking up on time, studying, time management, working, and even relaxing are all skills necessary for your child to be successful when they are away at college. These are also all skills that they can learn before they ever leave to go to college. Think about it, if a child doesn’t know how to do laundry, then they are going to have to spend time learning how to do it once they go away at school instead of focusing on studying for an exam. As parents we need to teach our children all these different skills and give them a chance to practice these skills BEFORE they leave for college. This gives them a chance to learn, make mistakes, and ask questions before they leave the safety net of home. The other thing we can do is to make sure our children have healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with stress. We can’t prevent our children from dealing with stress in their lives, however we can teach them how to cope with it in a healthy way. Stress management can look different for different people, so it is important to help your child find what works for them. Exercising, meditating, reading, hanging out with friends, shopping, fishing, hiking... there are so many healthy ways to reduce the stress in our lives and it’s important that our children know what to do to reduce the stress they are feeling. We’ve talked about a few things you can do before your child leaves home, but what can you do when they are at college and dealing with stress? We can offer support. Whether it be through phone calls, text messages, sending care packages, or going for a weekend visit, there are lots of things we can do to show our children that we support them and that they are loved.  

The last risk factor that we are going to address today is having friends that use substances and societal norms. Though it may not be possible for you as a parent to change the societal norms of college life, it is possible for you to establish strong positive norms with your child before they ever leave to go to college. If your child comes from a home, where using alcohol is not the norm, they will remember this, even if it seems like everyone is using alcohol when they are at college. Also, talk to your child, tell them your concerns and encourage them to find activities to join in college that they enjoy so they are able to meet new people in a safe way where they don’t feel they need to use substances to ‘fit in’. 

In summary, going away to college is a big transition for many youth, and this transition does put them at a higher risk for using substances. For parents and caregivers this transition can be frightening as we all want our children healthy and safe. It is important to think about these transitions and begin planning for them long before they happen to help prepare our children the best we can. At the end of the day college and the freedom that comes with it is a great experience for many youth, and we just want to make sure we are securing protective factors in our children’s lives to prevent the harms of youth substance use. 

Protective Factor: Extended Family Support

This month’s protective factor is extended family support. I’m sure you’ve heard the term “it takes a village” to raise kids, and if you’ve been a parent for very long you know this is absolutely true. However, when it comes to that “village” some families are more fortunate than others. This month we are going to talk about how having extended family support is a protective factor for your child against youth substance use, and what you can do about it if you do not have these kinds of supports.  

Let’s start with the why.. Having the support of extended family is a protective factor for so many reasons and it is strongly correlated with many of the other risk and protective factors we have talked about in the previous months. One reason having the support of extended family is a protective factor is they can help you watch the kids! A couple of months ago we had an entire blog post focused on how lack of adult supervision is a risk factor for substance use. Having the support of extended family can help negate this risk factor simply because they can be there to supervise your kids when you can’t. Family can also help provide your children with more strong bonds, which also prevents against substance use. Also, let’s face it, there comes a time during parenthood when it doesn’t matter what you say to your child, they simply can’t believe it because you’re the one saying it. This can be a great opportunity for trust extended family members to step in and have conversations with your child, and coming from someone else, they may be more inclined to listen. We can also go back to the protective factor of learning new skills, and this can be a great place for extended family to come in as well! I’ll never forget my grandmother teaching me how to crochet and my uncle teaching me how to drive a stick-shift. Most likely there are skills that many of your extended family members would love to share with your children! Finally, sometimes the best thing you can do for your children is take a break. Parenting is overwhelming and can be exhausting at times. When you are able to rely on the support of extended family members to refill your own cup, you will be able to be a better parent to your children.  

I am well aware that not everyone has the support of extended family. Maybe you don’t live near family, or maybe you’ve decided it is best for you and your children to not have the extended family as a part of your lives. Just because you don’t have the support of extended family does not mean that you cannot create this type of community for your children. When I think about the lives of my own children, some of the most influential adults in their lives are not related by blood, they are simply friends who have turned into family. So if you don’t have a “village” I encourage you to find one. This may be friends, neighbors, church members, or even parents of your children’s friends. This type of support is a protective factor against youth substance use, and you may just find that it improves your own life as well.  

Protective Factor: School Attendance

I hope you all enjoyed a wonderful holiday season, and have many great hopes and aspirations for the New Year. The winter months are always a wonderful time to celebrate with family, and unfortunately also a great time to share all the illnesses floating around during this time of year. That brings us to our topic for this month, School Attendance. Good School Attendance is a protective factor that puts youth at a lower risk of using substances. This month we are going to talk about why good school attendance is so important, when it is appropriate to miss school, and what you can do to help your child if they have to miss school. 

School Attendance is important for many reasons. There is a direct correlation between school attendance and school performance, which is also a protective factor for substance use. Basically, kids need to be in school so they can learn what they need to learn. When kids have to miss school for any reasons it is very easy to fall behind quickly, and often they are left to do the learning on their own when they miss the lessons, which can be very difficult to do. It may seem like missing one day of school isn’t that big of a deal, but think about it, when a child misses even one day of school they miss a math lesson, a reading lesson, a science lesson, a history lesson, and often they miss out on conversation about upcoming assignments and tests. Also, when children aren’t at school many times it means they are left unsupervised while their parents are at work. We know from last month’s blog that the lack of adult supervision also puts them at a higher risk for substance use. 

Unfortunately, as I mentioned earlier, sometimes our children need to miss school because they are sick. While school attendance remains a priority, we also want to mention that it is important not to send your child to school if they are sick. Most schools have an illness policy listed in their school handbook, you should refer to this if you are unsure if your child should attend school or not. If your child is recovering from an illness and no longer running a fever, but still coughing, check with your child’s teacher to see if you could send in a water bottle so they could get in a drink more often. Most teachers are happy to provide accommodation for children who may not be feeling 100% but are not sick enough to stay home from school. 

If your child does have to miss school for an illness or another personal matter, there are some things you can do as a parent to help make sure their absence doesn’t create any issues for them in the future. First of all, call your child’s school and let them know they will not be there and why. Next, if they are going to be gone for more than 1 day or if the absence is planned ahead of time, call your child’s teacher to request their schoolwork they will be missing during the absence. This will help your child be able to stay caught up. It is also important to remember that if a teacher sends work home with your child it is YOUR responsibility as the parent to help them complete that work. It is very likely that they may miss that day’s lesson and not know how to complete some of the work independently, so when the child misses school it may be up to you to teach them the skills needed in order to complete the work. Now, I understand that if your child is a High School Student in Chemistry or Calculus, you may not be able to help teach them the skills they are missing in class. If this is the case, have your child work with the teacher to ask if they could make arrangements for a one on one session to receive any lessons they are missing.  

In summary, our children NEED to be in school. It is our job as parents to encourage good school attendance and make sure our children stay caught up in the case they need to miss school. We can also work to schedule vacations or non-urgent appointments on days when the child is already out of school to ensure they don’t miss any learning. Let’s work together to keep our kids healthy and prevent youth substance use. 

Adult Supervision

Risk Factor: Lack of Adult Supervision 

I hope this post finds you and your family well during this holiday season. We are going to focus on a Risk Factor for substance use today, and that risk factor is the lack of adult supervision. Just to recap, a risk factor is a factor present in a youth’s life that makes it more likely they will use substances. Today’s risk factor may seem like it should be common sense, but I encourage you to keep reading even if you think this isn’t a factor in your household, because there may be some areas that you haven’t considered.  

I’m sure if you think back to your own growing up years many of you can think of various situations you were in that probably weren’t the safest. For many of us these situations took place when we were in a situation where there was little or no adult supervision. The fact that you were in those situations definitely didn’t mean your parents were bad parents, but times were different before the age of cell phones and social media. Let’s face it, our kids live in a different world today, which can be both good and bad, so let’s talk about how adult supervision has changed and what we can do as parents and caregivers to protect our children. 

1. Physical Supervision- This category is a tale as old as time. When kids are left together, and no parents or adults are around to supervise they sometimes hormones and impulsivity take over and they don’t always make the best decisions. Life happens though, and it isn’t always easy to make sure our children are supervised all the time, especially in households with working parents. If your child is going to be riding the bus home from school and coming home to an empty house everyday I encourage you to invest in a home security system or outdoor cameras. You could use these systems to ensure that your child is arriving home safely, and monitor if your child is alone or if there are others with them. Surprise visits are also a great strategy to monitor your child’s behavior. If your going to be working all day on a Saturday and your child will be left at home unsupervised, talk to your supervisor and see if you can change up your lunch hour or break times to allow you to run home and check in on the kiddos at home, but don’t tell the kids what time you will be checking in. This gives you the element of surprise and allows you to see what is truly going on in your home. Another idea is to use Facetime, instead of just a regular phone call or text message to check in on your child. You could use this as a tool to scan the environment. If you are concerned about your child’s behavior or lack of supervision see if you can find a trusted friend or family member to supervise your children while you are away.  

1. Electronic Supervision- I’m going to use a broad term and refer to this category as electronic supervision because it encompasses so many devices that our children now have access to. In this category I am referring to cell phones, tablets, iPads, video games, computers, and basically any device that has messaging capabilities or internet access. Luckily for our parents, this wasn’t an issue when we were growing up, so learning how to supervise your children across their electronic devices has been a learning curve for parents and has sparked a lot of controversy. The bottom line is social media and these devices are a huge part of our children’s lives, they put our children at risk for all sorts of dangers and it is important that we find a way to effectively supervise our children’s electronic device usage. I’ve talked to lots of parents and have heard a lot of different ideas about HOW to monitor your child’s device usage including but not limited to reading their messages, befriending them on social media, putting away laundry while they play video games, and soo many more. I feel that in this situation you have to find what really works for you and your child, and remember they are SMART! Kids are likely to outsmart us when it comes to technology and ways to hide what they are doing, so what I am going to encourage you to do may be a little different than you expect. I encourage you to schedule non screen-time for your kids. This means schedule time in their day or night where they are doing something besides looking at any kind of electronic device. Maybe this means no phones at the dinner table, leaving their phone on the kitchen counter after 8 p.m., going outside to play basketball as a family in the evening and phones staying inside, or even making a charging station in a common area where all phones and devices are kept to be charged. We may not be able to watch every move our children make when they are using electronics, but we can make sure they are getting breaks from those devices. My next tip is to talk to your kids about the dangers of the internet. Talk to them about how what they put out into the internet can never truly be taken back, how people’s lives can be changed because of one comment or picture, and how there are people out there that do not have their best interests at heart and could potentially target them. I know that supervising electronic usage isn’t easy, but it is just as important as physically supervising our children.  

In summary, lack of adult supervision is a risk factor for many reasons. When children are left with little or no supervision they may be more likely to make poor choices or engage in risky behaviors. Social media and electronic usage could also play a role in putting our kids at a higher risk for substance use, so its important to monitor and limit device usage the best we can. If you are struggling to find ways to effectively supervise your children, I encourage you to talk to other parents. They may have ideas you haven’t thought about! I also feel like I have to mention that it is very important to remember when thinking about effective supervision, that we want to supervise our children in ways that don’t break down the bonds we have worked so hard to establish. It may seem like a fine line between providing enough supervision and making your child feel like you don’t trust them, so make sure to keep the lines of communication open! 

Making Friends with Peers

Friends. Sometimes we are closer to our friends than our family, and sometimes we have friends that become family! Friends can provide companionship, guidance, fun, and meaningful relationships. It is important for us to recognize that friends play an important and meaningful role in our lives. The same goes for our kids! This month we are going to dive into a protective factor that is making friends with peers.  

I used to be a First Grade Teacher, and I always said that I did just as much teaching kids how to go to school as I did teaching math and reading. As a part of teaching them how to go to school, I often had conversations with young children about how to be a friend and how to treat our friends. This is something that seems to come naturally to some children, while others struggle with this concept. It is important that we teach our children how to be a friend when they are young so they can develop healthy friendships that will last them into adulthood. Here are a few tips to help your child learn how to build friendships with their peers based off my experience in the school setting.  

To get a friend, you must be a friend.  

It is important that we teach our kids how to be a friend to someone. This starts at home by teaching them how to be kind, honest, and thoughtful of other humans. 

Teach your child how to solve conflicts. 

We know that anytime humans are interacting with each other there is going to eventually be conflict. We all have thoughts and feelings that can lead to disagreements. It is important for children to know how to handle these conflicts in a way that won’t damage the bonds in their friendships. We can work with children on how to solve conflicts by teaching them to express their feelings in a polite and assertive manner. We can also teach our children how to compromise or recognize when they need to take a break from the situation.  

Give kids the opportunity to practice. 

We can’t expect our kids to know how to be a friend if they have never been around their peers! Give your kids a chance to meet and befriend other children their age. This could be through playdates, church group, pre-school, or even just going to the park. Be there with them to monitor the conversation and make suggestions. You may have to start by helping them introduce themselves, then intervening to help children work through any conflict that may arise.  

Teach your child how to set boundaries. 

Boundaries are helpful and necessary in all relationships, especially friendships. It is important that we teach our children how they should and shouldn’t be treated, and that we explain to our children that they do not have to continue to take part in a relationship where they are not being treated the way they should. We also need to make sure they know what to do when they are not being treated with respect in a friendship. This may look like teaching them to stand up for themselves, how to go find someone else to play with, and could mean teaching them when to ask an adult for help. Teaching them these skills through friendships when they are young will help prepare them for other types of relationships as they get older.  

As children get older friendships can become a complex issue, especially if we are concerned about the behavior of our children’s friends. It is important to remember that friendships are a protective factor. Friendships are a protective factor for many reasons. Friendships provide our children with practice in building healthy relationships, and also teach them skills to identify unhealthy relationships. Friendships can protect our children from substance use because it is often easier to say no as a group than it is by yourself. They also give our kids positive experiences and a better way to spend time than using substances. Friends can also add joy to our lives and prevent feelings of loneliness or depression. As our children get older it is important that we make an effort to get to know their friends. You could do this by befriending the child’s parents or having the child over at your house to hang out. Most likely, at some point your child is going to befriend someone that may display some concerning behavior. How you handle this situation as a parent is crucial! If you demand that the child, not see that kid anymore it is highly possible you could damage the bonds with your own child and the child could begin lying about seeing the friend. As a parent it is our job to guide our children and I encourage you to be open and honest and communicate with your child about your concerns. Let your child know why the relationship concerns you, and what you expect from your child. Also, talk to your child about what they can do and how they can say no in the case that a friend might put them in a bad situation or try to get them to do something they know they shouldn’t do. You may consider developing parameters for the friendship. Those parameters could look like that friend is allowed to come to your house, but your child is not allowed to hang out at their house or maybe your child is allowed to hang out with that friend only if other friends are there as well. 

I think it is also important to address a saying we’ve all heard many times. “Susie just got in with the wrong crowd.” This statement implies that it isn’t just one friend with concerning behavior, it's all or the vast majority of the friends. I’ve seen this time and time again, and many parents take the route of grounding or banning them from seeing their friends. I am in no way saying that you should continue to let your child hang out with kids with negative behaviors. However, remember this blog addresses that having friendships with their peers is a protective factor. Isolating our children is not. If you find yourself in this situation it may be helpful to do some course correction with your child. Encourage them to meet new people or make new friends. You may have to help them with this by encouraging them to join new activities or social groups. You could introduce them to new people or ask them to hang out with other people they might know. Regardless, just remember we want our children to have healthy and meaningful friendships. Friendship with peers is a protective factor, and isolation is not. The most impactful thing we can do as caregivers is to communicate with our children and make sure they know our expectations and what will happen if those expectations are or are not met. 

Identity Exploration

Protective Factor: Identity Exploration 

This month we are going to focus on a protective factor. Protective factors are factors in a youth’s life that make them less likely to use substances. Today the protective factor we are going to talk about is Identity Exploration. There are 3 areas specifically listed as areas for identity exploration. Those three areas are Identity Exploration in lov e, work, and world view.  Today’s blog is going to focus on one of those areas, being identify exploration in work.  

Work is such a huge part of our lives, even if we wish sometimes, it was less a part. If a person was to work full time from the age of 22-62 the person would work over 83,000 hours. That is over 10,000 8-hour shifts. Work is a crucial part of our lives for many reasons. Of course, the obvious is that we work to earn money to be able to live and pay for things like housing, transportation, food, and clothing. But for many, work is more than just a paycheck, work also gives us a sense of purpose and overall feelings of accomplishment. Work creates routine in our lives, and can bring us many friendships and growth opportunities. 

I don’t know about you, but when I think back to being a young person I remember finding the idea of choosing what I was going to do for the rest of my life very overwhelming! I knew I wanted to attend college, however I didn’t want to choose a degree that led to a job I hated. My experience in working with young people has confirmed that this is a hard decision for most youth.  

Today I want to provide you with some tips for helping your young person make a good decision when it comes to work.  

Tip #1: Take a Vocational Assessment 

There are SOOOO many jobs out there. As a high school student there was no way for me to know about all the different career options. There are several free vocational assessments on the internet that are available for youth. These tests ask lots of questions about what the youth is good at, what they are interested in, and areas they struggle with. My personal favorite is missouriconnections.org. You can choose the Guest Login Option and Career Cluster Inventory. This tool gives you a list of careers that may be a good fit for you and includes the amount of training required and the average salary for the career. There are so many things to consider when choosing a career path, but I would always encourage you to start first with what they like or what sounds fun and interesting to them.  

Tip #2: Job Shadow 

Once you have narrowed it down to a few careers that would possibly be a good fit, I encourage you to work with your child’s school to set up days for them to job shadow. Even if your child is certain they know what they want to do, DON’T skip this step! I recommend that every teen job shadow in at least 3 different career fields that interest them. Job shadowing is such a great experience and gives the youth a real glimpse into what the career actually looks like. It also gives them the opportunity to speak to people in the career and learn about the pros and cons of working in the field.  

Tip #3: Consider 

I encourage you to make list of the pros and cons of each career choice your child is interested in. Here are a list of things to consider:  

1. Training Needed 

1. Pay 

1. Hours 

1. Options of Advancement 

1. Options of Change  

1. Remote or In-Person Work 

1. Location 

1. Time Off 

1. Work-Life Balance 

1. Family Needs 

1. Flexibility 

1. Team-Work / Independent Work Environment 

Of course there are so many things to consider, this list was created just to help you really get to thinking about what is important when looking for a job.  

Tip #4: Give it Some Time 

I may should have listed this tip first, because all too often young people don’t start considering career choices early enough, and find them in a position where they have to make a decision quickly. Work with your child to start having these conversations during their Freshman and Sophomore year of High School. This will allow them to have some time to really consider their decision and be able to confidently make the decision that is best for them. Let them make their lists, consider their options, and also talk to other successful people. Encourage them to talk to community members, church members, family members, anyone who will listen. There are lots of things that maybe you didn’t consider that someone else would!  

Tip #5: Make a Decision and Make a Plan 

Once the youth has made a decision about which career they would like to pursue then help them make a plan with SMART Goals. If you need help writing SMART Goals, this video does a great job explaining it! 

How to write a SMART goal (video) | Khan Academy 

Write the plan down! Post it in your house where everyone in the family can see it, and do your best to help support your young person in achieving their goals. Having the steps to reach the goal visible will help your child see the hope, and make the plan not so overwhelming. 

In Summary, work exploration is so important for young people. Having the opportunity to explore their own identity is a protective factor because it allows them to have the opportunity to be content with their choices in an area of their life that has a huge impact. As caregivers, I encourage you to check your own opinions and biases and do your best not to push those on the young people. We all want to see our children succeed, but it is important that we allow them to have the independence to make the decision that is best for them. Guide them, listen to them, but make sure you don’t push them in a direction they don’t want to go. The encouragement of a parent or caregiver has a huge impact at this stage of life! 

Impulsivity

This month’s blog is focused on a risk factor that can affect all youth at times. We are going to be looking at youth being impulsive. If you’ve been around any youth for an extended period of time it is easy to notice that many youth are impulsive. They act on their feelings or needs without thinking through the situation. This can lead to risky and potentially dangerous behavior.  

Let’s look at an example. A young boy was playing in his yard, and he saw a dog walking down the street. His immediate thought was that he wanted to pet the dog. So, he took off running as fast as he could at the dog. The dog felt threatened by the little boy, and when he got close the dog lunged at the child and attempted to bite him. Here is what we know about the situation. The young boy acted on impulse, his thought was that he wanted to pet the dog and the fastest way to do it was to run at him. The little boy did not stop to think about how his behavior may affect the dog, or how the dog would respond. The young boy strictly acted on impulse.  

So why? Why are young people so impulsive? The answer to this question lies in the fact that youth's brains are not fully developed. The ability to critically think and make decisions is one that is not fully developed until the youth’s brain reaches the age of maturity around age 26. Looking back at your own life, I’m sure we can all agree that we made some questionable decisions as young people. This impulsivity becomes especially risky around the age of puberty. When you pair a dopamine seeking, not fully developed brain with changing hormone levels it creates the perfect storm for impulsive and risky decision making.  

What can we do? As caregivers, the impulsive behavior of youth can be scary. We want our children to think through their decisions and make safe, healthy choices. Impulsivity is natural, and though some children are more impulsive than others, it has a lot to do with the developing brain and changing hormones. Impulsivity puts our children at risk of substance use, suicide, and risky sexual behavior. The best thing we can do to fight the effects of impulsivity is to strengthen skills and open the lines of communication with our children. Decision making is a skill that can be taught and practiced. Teach your child to make healthy decisions and allow them to practice this skill. Talk to your child about the decisions before they have to make them. For example, if you and your child have talked about why they shouldn’t drink alcohol and what they could say in the case they were offered a drink, it may be a lot easier for them to respond in a real-life situation when they are being offered alcohol. This gives them the ability to react based on skill and experience rather than impulse.  

The Importance of Physical and Psychological Safety

I want you to think back to your own childhood and think about something that scared you as a child. In my own childhood, it was always the dark. I was fine until my parents turned off the lights at night, and all of the sudden I was concerned of what may be lurking in the shadows. This is a completely typical childhood fear, that I was able to overcome as I got older and realized there was nothing in my room in the dark that wasn’t there when the lights were on. My fully developed brain is able to think more logically about situations that I was capable of when I was a child.

Now I want you to think about a time in your adult life when you have felt fear. Regardless of the situation that caused you to feel the fear, I think we can all agree on one thing. When you feel true fear, it is hard to focus on anything else. Our bodies are wired to respond to fear. Typically, our bodies respond to fear in one of three ways: fight, flight, or freeze. Our reaction could depend on a variety of factors such as the situation and our past experience.

There was a large study on Adverse Childhood Experiences in the 1990’s. You can learn more about the ACE study here: Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) (cdc.gov). This study revealed how childhood trauma has long-term impacts on the body. There is even research that tells us that trauma actually changes the way our DNA is read. Click the link above to learn more about the effects of adverse childhood experiences.

Let me get to the point. Our children feel fear too, and sometimes this fear can be traumatic for them. It may not always seem logical to us what they are afraid of, but it doesn’t change the fact that they feel fear in the same and very real way that we feel fear as adults. This month we are going to focus on a protective factor. Protective Factors are factors in youth’s life that make it less likely they will use substances. This month’s protective factor is physical and psychological safety.

Let’s start with physical safety. This could mean living in a safe neighborhood, safe home, and not fearing physical harm through abuse or neglect. Imagine for a moment you were a child living in a neighborhood filled with violence, or you were being abused by a caregiver. Now, think about how you feel when you experience fear. Children who are growing up concerned for their physical safety are unable to focus on things like learning to ride a bike or completing their homework on time. Instead, their thoughts are consumed with how they are going to survive. As adults, we need to recognize that this is a huge risk factor. These children may struggle to bond with caregivers, struggle with school, become withdrawn, and host of other risk factors for substance abuse. These children are also often looking for an escape from the fear they feel in their lives, which also could lead to substance use. Physical safety is key to healthy development.

Now let’s talk about Psychological Safety. Psychological Safety is the feeling that one can express their ideas, thoughts, and feelings without the fear of humiliation or rejection. Youth who feel like they will be humiliated for expressing themselves may be looking for ways to escape or numb the pain of not feeling like they can be themselves. Youth who do not feel psychologically safe may also struggle more with bonding to caregivers and could become rebellious.

What can you do as a caregiver? As a parent it is your job to ensure your child is physically safe. Avoid putting your child in dangerous situations, work to make sure your home is a safe environment, and monitor the people who you allow to have access to your child. Ensuring our children are psychologically safe may be a little more difficult, but the same principles apply. Encourage your child to express their feelings, thoughts, and opinions, and learn to respond in a way that makes them feel they can express these feelings without being humiliated or rejected. If there is a situation that is causing your child psychological harm, explore ways to resolve or remove your child from the situation. If your child is struggling with psychological safety and you don’t know how to help, I encourage you to seek help from a Mental Health Professional.

In summary, children often feel fear and this fear can sometimes lead to childhood trauma. This trauma and feelings of not being safe put children at a higher risk for substance use along with other negative outcomes later in life. As parents, it is our job to keep our children safe both physically and psychologically. When we ensure our children are physically and psychologically safe we are promoting healthy development.

Opportunities to Belong

Opportunities to Belong

A Protective Factor

In a world that values being unique and independent I think it’s easy to forget sometimes that though we are all different in our own ways, we are much more alike than we are different. One of the ways that most all humans are alike is that they thrive when connected. This month’s blog is going to talk about the opportunity to belong. Opportunities to belong is listed as a protective factor, but I’m also going to explain through this blog how this can quickly become a risk factor for the same foundational reasoning.

Like I mentioned earlier, as humans, we all want to feel connected and like we are a part of something. These feelings of connection and belonging give us purpose and a place in this big scary world. What comes to your mind when I say opportunities to belong? Do you think of your church group? Book Club? Family? Friend Group? Regardless of what group you click with, its important to find just that. A group that you share some type of connection with. Hopefully, when you think of the groups you belong to in your own life, they are positive ones. However, I also want you to think about how looking for opportunities to belong could also have a negative effect, especially on the life of a young person. What about hanging around with the “wrong crowd”? Gangs? Groups engaging in risky behavior such as substance use?

As parents and caregivers, it is important to remember that our children are going to be looking for opportunities to belong in this big world, and it is our job to guide them to find opportunities to belong that are safe and healthy. Helping your child find a place to belong can be done in a variety of ways, and though social media is often scary for parents, it can also bring us together in ways we never saw possible before. Some youth have no problem finding a place to belong. Maybe they enjoy sports and have found a sense of belonging with their soccer or football team. Other children may find more of a sense of belonging with a club at school such as art club, or even their church group. What should we do when our child is struggling though? How can we help them find a place to belong? Let’s start simple. What does your child enjoy? Do they like to do things outside like fishing, or do they enjoy playing video games? Even if it isn’t what you wish they enjoyed its important to recognize and validate what makes them happy. Then, look for an opportunity. If your child enjoys reading, then check the local library for activities centered around books. Is your child a teen parent? How about joining the local Young Parent Mentoring Program? Your child enjoys fishing? Look for some new places to take your child fishing where they may be able to meet other people with similar hobbies. I encourage you to also think outside the box! Your child like to argue? How about the debate team? Does your child like to cook? How about cooking lessons or a technical program at school?

The important thing to remember is it is important for us to help our children find a place they can belong that is safe and healthy. All too often, we see young people going down a path that we know isn’t good for them. I encourage to look past the behavior and ask yourself. Is the child just looking for a place to belong? If so, lets help redirect and guide them to find an opportunity to belong that is safe, healthy, and promotes growth.

Risk Factor: Favorable Attitudes towards Drugs

Summer is finally upon us! The end of the school year always brings lots of fun and exciting activities for households with school-aged youth. Summertime is such a great time for families to spend time together and enjoy the nice weather and outdoor activities. Today’s blog is going to address a Risk Factor. I usually like my blogs to focus on the positive and promoting protective factors as much as possible, however sometimes it is necessary for us to talk about the things that put our kids at a higher risk for using substances. The risk factor I am going to talk about today is one that we see frequently in our society. Today we are going to be taking a deeper dive into the Risk Factor of Favorable Attitudes towards Drugs.

I encourage you to think for a moment about your own attitudes towards drugs, as well as the attitudes of the people around you. Perhaps you have negative attitudes towards drugs like heroin or cocaine, but what about alcohol and tobacco? When I think of Summer my mind automatically goes to the number of families spending time at the river or lake on the weekends. I think most people would agree that our society has favorable attitudes towards drinking a “cold beer” on a hot summer day at the river or having a glass of wine with dinner after a long day at work. We see these attitudes depicted through Tiktok videos, facebook posts, our favorite shows, and advertisements for the products themselves.

Now that you have examined your own attitudes towards drugs, lets talk about our kids. Do you know what kind of attitude your child has about substances like alcohol or tobacco? Do they think that it makes you look more grown up to vape nicotine? Do they feel that the best way to relax is to drink a beer at the end of the day? Does your child think that using cannabis is the best way to deal with stress? Research tells us that youth who have favorable attitudes towards drugs are at a higher risk for using them. The fact is that drugs like alcohol, tobacco, and marijuana have completely different effects on a developing brain. As parents, most of us can agree that we definitely don’t want anything to get in the way of our children’s development. So what can we do?

In order to address this risk factor we must first ask ourselves, how do our children develop attitudes about drugs? This answer is probably more complicated than we would like, and the answer is most likely through a variety of influences. Youth could develop attitudes about drugs from education, their peers, advertisements, social media, movies, television shows, or even family members. These attitudes generally start developing at a very young age, and can easily change as they grow older and are influenced by other people or media. While it may not be possible to completely control your child’s attitude towards drugs, please don’t doubt your ability as a parent to influence them. Our children are surrounded by influences everyday through media and the world around them, and ultimately will look to you as their parent and trusted caregiver to help them develop healthy attitudes. For example, say the child is learning in health class about the negative effects of alcohol on a developing brain. Then they hear some peers at school talking about how much fun they had drinking excessive amounts alcohol. Now there is a conflict between two influences. We know that when we are having these conflicting thoughts we often look to what we know to help us as we develop our own opinions, and good or bad, what we know is often what we learned at home.

In conclusion, favorable attitudes towards drugs is a risk factor that puts youth at a higher risk for using substances. Substance use has a different effect on a developing brain. Youth attitudes are developed and influenced by many factors, and as parents the best we can do for our child is to help them develop heathy attitudes about substances.

Protective Factor: Healthy Physical Development

As we have discussed in previous blog posts protective factors present in a child’s life are proven to reduce the risk of youth substance use. Today’s protective factor is healthy physical development. Think back for a moment to when your child was first born. You may have heard a lot about developmental milestones from the nurses, your pediatrician, and even any early childhood educators. These milestones helped guide you to know when your child should be rolling over, crawling, walking, and even talking.  These milestones are developed and published by the CDC to ensure that children are developing the way they should, and at the rate they should. These guidelines can be a huge help to first time parents who aren’t sure what is “normal” for a child at any age.

I’ll be honest, when my son was first born I had the list of milestones on the refrigerator in my home. I looked at them often and was very aware of the things that my son needed to be doing and by when. I’m not sure when it happened, but sometime between then and now the list is gone, and I have no idea what my child “should” be able to do. There is always discussion at our annual wellness checkups with the pediatrician about if my child is meeting all the developmental milestones, but outside of that it isn’t something I think about often. The internet is a great resource, however sometimes the vast amount of information presented can be overwhelming to many parents when they are trying to find information to help their child. I am no expert on developmental milestones, so today I would like to focus on sharing a specific resource with you.

If your child is 5 years old or younger, the CDC has published a list of developmental milestones. These milestones are categorized by age and include many different categories such as physical, social/ emotional, language/ communication, and many more. You can find these on the CDC App, or by visiting their website at CDC’s Developmental Milestones | CDC.

What about when our children are older than 5? Is there still a list of healthy developmental milestones? Absolutely! You can visit this website Positive Parenting Tips | CDC and click on your child’s age group. There is a list of developmental milestones for your child’s age group as well as a list of parenting tips for parenting during that age range, and tips on keeping your child healthy. These are extremely helpful and thorough. You can also find a list of specific conditions such as ADHD, Anxiety, and Learning Disorders. If you click on the specific condition you can see research, data, and recommendations for parenting children with the specific conditions. Again, there are many lists of developmental milestones on the internet, however this list is extremely reliable, and used by most pediatricians and early childhood educators.

Now that you know where to find information about healthy physical development, lets talk about why its important. Healthy physical development is listed as a protective factor for many reasons. Healthy physical development is linked to many of the other protective and risk factors that we have already discussed. One example of this is the protective factor of academic achievement, healthy physical development is critical to your child’s success in the school setting. Healthy physical development is also strongly correlated with becoming independent, strong social emotional skills, self-efficacy, and belief in the future. It is important that we know what our child should be able to do at their age so that we can recognize if they are not meeting those developmental milestones.

I would also like to spend a little time talking about what you can do if your child is not meeting the developmental milestones outlined by the CDC. First, I would start by discussing your concerns with your child’s pediatrician and/or their classroom teacher. There are many different providers who can help your child depending on the milestone they are needing to work on. For example, if the child is struggling to meet a physical milestone, they may need help from a physical therapist. If your child is struggling with language or speech, it is possible they could benefit from working with a Speech Language Pathologist. If your child is in school, there may be additional testing the school can provide free of charge to determine if your child may need help from a professional. Your child’s pediatrician also has many tools to determine if your child may need extra support. These conversations can sometimes be hard for parents to have because we all want our children to be happy and healthy.  I want to encourage you to have the conversation! Early intervention is the key and may help your child be able to overcome the challenges they are facing and move on to a happy and healthy life!

Becoming Independent

Today we are going to discuss becoming independent. We know that becoming independent is a part of growing up that can often cause stress and friction between families. As youth get older they often crave independence and it is oftentimes a struggle for caregivers to determine if the youth are ready for this independence. So what do you think about becoming independent? Would you consider this to be a risk factor or a protective factor for youth substance misuse?

If you guessed Protective Factor, then you are correct! I have had numerous conversations around this topic with both youth and caregives. This topic is addressed in the parent workshop and the youth education we offer. I always start with the youth by having them identify how their role in their family has changed as they have gotten older. Most of the youth report that they do have more responsibilities in their family now than they did when they were young, but that not much else has changed. Most youth tell us that they do not feel like they have a say in the decisions their parents make for them. Parents on the other hand usually feel that by giving their child more responsibilities they are helping them become independent. This is absolutely true. Responsibility absolutely helps our children become more independent.  However, I feel that what the youth are saying is that we are not giving them independence in the areas of their life they crave.

Most youth want to be able to feel like they are able to make decisions for their own life. I encourage parents to look at making decisions in the same way they would look at teaching their child to do their own laundry or to cook a meal. Making decisions is a skill. Just like with teaching our children how to do laundry we first teach them how then we give them an opportunity to practice. It is important to look at making decisions the same way. First, we must teach our children how to make decisions. We can begin doing this at a young age. It may start simple by making a decision about which snack they would like to have or which show they would like to watch. As they become older decisions become more complex. There may be more than one option and we can also teach our children that all decisions have consequences, some good and some bad. We can use these life examples to teach our children how to consider all options and consequences and make the decision that is best for them. Here is where the hard part comes in. After we have taught our children how to make decisions, we must let them PRACTICE making decisions. I’m a mama, I know sometimes this is hard because I see the situation and I know that my child’s decision may hurt them in some way and my instincts tell me to step in and save them from that hurt by making the right decision for them. However, if I am always the one making decisions for my child, they will never truly learn how to do this for themselves.

Now, onto the point. Becoming Independent is actually considered a Protective Factor. Youth who are allowed to become independent and feel that they can make decisions for themselves are LESS likely to misuse substances. Often times when youth are using substances they may be doing so to try to make themselves seem or feel or look more grown up. If we allow our children to feel grown up in other ways such as making decisions for themselves, then it is highly possible they won’t need to turn to substance use to get that same feeling. Not sure where to start? Allow your child to become a part of making decisions that affect their lives. Let them help choose where the family is going on vacation, what the family is going to eat for dinner, what extra-curricular activities they want to be involved in, or even when they are ready to get a part time job and how they spend their money.

In summary, just remember that our children need our guidance to learn how to make decisions that will allow them to live a healthy and happy life. In allowing our children to practice making decisions we are fulfilling their desire to become more independent in a healthy way and are also decreasing the likelihood they will misuse substances.

Risk Factor: Early Substance Use

Early Substance Use is a Risk Factor for youth substance use. The younger a youth is when they begin using substances the more at risk they are from continuing to use or having issues with substance use as they grow older. It is important to note that while the use of legal drugs such as alcohol, tobacco, or even marijuana has become an accepted behavior from adults, these substances effect young people in a much different way and pose a whole different set of risks to them. Research shows that the human brain is not fully developed until a person is in their mid-twenties. Substances such as alcohol, tobacco, marijuana, and other drugs have completely different and long lasting effects on brains that are not fully developed. Substance use among teenagers can cause difficulty with learning, impulse control, and decision making. Research also shows us that youth become addicted to substances more easily than adults.

Don’t believe me? Just ask a lifelong cigarette smoker how old they were when they started smoking. According to the CDC website 9 out of 10 adults who smoke cigarettes daily began smoking by the age of 18. A recent study found that people starting to smoke regularly at age 18 to 20 years have higher odds of nicotine dependence and lower odds of smoking cessation than people starting to smoke at age 21 years or older. Even those these statistics are related about tobacco use, the research shows the same patterns for other substances.

The following chart depicts data specifically from Butler County, Missouri.

Substance—Average Age of First Use

Alcohol—12.7935

Cigarettes—11.7498

Marijuana—13.7015

Prescription Drugs—11.6324

Over the Counter Drugs—11.5403

E-Cigarettes (Vapes)—13.1788

I’ll be honest, when I first read these statistics I was a little shocked. This data shows us that most youth who use substances begin using during or even BEFORE they are in Junior High School. I also began to wonder, what would happen if they didn’t? Would they be more likely to graduate high school or go to college? Would our legal system have less drug offenses?

In summary, it is important to remember that just because a substance is legal for an adult, does not mean that it is safe for youth to use. The earlier a youth begins using substances the more likely they are to have to deal with substance use issues in the future. Also, it is okay for you to be the parent who breaks community norms or family traditions involving youth substance use.

Sources

Ali FRM, Agaku IT, Sharapova SR, Reimels EA, Homa DM. Onset of regular smoking before age 21 and subsequent nicotine dependence and cessation behavior among US adult smokers. Prev Chronic Dis. 2020; 17:190176. DOI: http://dx.doi.org/10.5888/pcd17.190176.

STATE System Tobacco MLSA Fact Sheet | CDC

Protective Factor: Recognition for Positive Behavior

Tis’ the season for hearts and kisses, chocolates and flowers, romance and love. Regardless of your feelings towards the quickly approaching Valentine’s Day, this is a time we are reminded of one of our most basic human desires, love. Where does love fit in with drug and alcohol prevention? It is foundational.

We have discussed in past blogs that one of the most foundational protective factors is bonding with family, friends, and caregivers. The protective factor we are going to be addressing today is a key element to build the bonds between parents/ caregivers and children. Today we are going to be talking about recognition of positive behavior. When our children are little we recognize them for their positive behavior all the time. We are constantly asking them to do things, then cheering them on when they behave in a way we want them too. Parents of young children can frequently be heard saying things like:  “Yay! You used the potty”, “You put your clothes on all by yourself, you are such a big kid!”, or even “Wow! You did such a great job putting your toys away.” However, as our children get older our expectations change, and as these expectations change the way we speak to our children also starts to change.

We know that bonding and recognition for positive behavior are both protective factors that can decrease the likelihood that our children will use drugs and alcohol. If you were to tell your teenager that you are proud of them for dressing themself, they may look at you as though you have lost your mind. So it is important to note that as our expectations change, so will the things we recognize our children for. When the kids are little we praise them for skills we want them to master such as dressing themselves and potty training. As our children get older, we can still apply this same principle. We should recognize them for any skill they are trying to master. At school we can recognize them for academic skills such as a doing well on a test, getting a good grade in a class, or graduating high school. It is also important that we recognize our children’s contributions as they learn new skills within our home. We could recognize them for helping with the laundry, cooking a meal for the family, being kind to their siblings or helping with the yard work.  Another skill that a lot of us may not consider is the skill of developing healthy relationships. We can recognize our children for being a good friend, being kind to others, being compassionate, and even making new friends. The list of things we can recognize our children for could go on and on. I challenge you to find one positive thing you can recognize your child for every day, and just watch. As you begin to recognize your child for positive behavior, you will most likely find that they will begin recognizing others for their positive behavior as well.

Today I hope that you will take this away from this blog. As humans, we thrive in situations where we feel loved and appreciated. As children get older the way we speak to them often changes, but our children and teenagers still need to hear that we are proud of them and that they are doing a good job. This positive recognition of behavior strengthens family bonds, reinforces positive behaviors, and can ultimately decrease the likelihood that your teen will use substances.

Protective Factor: Belief in the Future

 2023 is officially upon us! Every year around New Year’s my newsfeed on social media is filled with people making resolutions of things they will do differently in the coming year. This year alone I have seen posts of people making commitments to lose weight, read more, work less, get their finances in order, and eat healthier. But why? Why are we all so caught up in making changes for the New Year? Simple, we all want to believe that the future will be brighter and that the new year will be better than the last. I’m sure you are wondering what all my rambling about New Years resolutions has to do with preventing substance use. Today’s blog will address the protective factor of belief in the future.

Just like adults, children and youth need to believe that the future ahead of them is going to be bright. We always ask children what they want to be when they grow up, and many have big dreams to become a doctor, a famous singer, or a veterinarian. As children get older these answers change and for some youth they really have no idea what they want to do with their lives. This can lead to a overwhelming and depressing stage, which puts youth at a higher risk of using substances.

Youth who have goals and ideas of things they would like to achieve in the future are at a lower risk for using substances. These youth are often excited about their dreams and don’t want to do anything to jeopardize the possibility of reaching their goals. These goals may be maintaining a relationship, having a family, going to college, moving away from home, or starting a career. The goals give the youth something to work for and belief in the future. This belief serves as a protective factor that makes youth less likely to use substances.

Now that we have discussed why having a belief in the future is important let’s talk about what you can do as a parent to help your child develop a healthy belief in the future. It is important to help your child find things that they love. Whether these be hobbies, a potential career, or the ability to build healthy relationships. Discovering a passion comes much easier for some young people than others. Encourage your children to get out in the world and find a part time or summer job, this can teach them so much about the kind of work they want to do and sometimes motivate them by finding out the type of work they definitely don’t want to do. There are several vocational assessments available online that your child can take to get some ideas about what kinds of jobs they may be good at or may be interesting to them. Job shadowing is something that can be very beneficial if your teenager has a career they think they might be interested in. You can set up job shadowing by contacting professionals and asking if they would be willing to let your child job shadow. If you are struggling to make a connection, then reach out to your child’s school guidance counselor and see if they can help. You can also attend a job fair or a college fair with your child. Even if your child is not actively searching for a job or college at this time, it is helpful for them to see all of the different opportunities available to them.

Once your child has developed a reasonable goal for the future then it is time to do some planning. I encourage you to sit down with your child and write a SMART Goal, then make a list of steps needed to achieve that goal. I have included an example below.

SMART Goal: Rachel will graduate and become a Registered Nurse by May 2026.

Step By When? Complete

Rachel will graduate high school with a GPA of 3.5 or higher. May 2023

Rachel will apply to 3 colleges. January 2023

Rachel will be accepted and enroll in college classes. June 2023

 Rachel will begin college. August 2023

Rachel will apply to Nursing Schools. May 2024

Rachel will begin Nursing School. August 2024

Rachel will graduate from Nursing School. May 2026

This model may not work for every goal, but you could come up with something similar. Just remember to take the overarching long-term goal and break it down into several small achievable steps. This gives the youth a road map to achieving their success and helps them to track their own progress toward achieving these goals. Developing a plan can help your child to see that their goals are achievable and keep a positive mindset about their future.

Protective Factor: Academic Achievement

Protective Factor: Academic Achievement

The end of 2022 is quickly approaching and with that comes a dreaded occasion for some parents and children. The end of the semester and the dreaded report card. During my time spent as an educator I saw it time and time again. Many parents are shocked to find that their children are not performing as well in school as they think they should be, or perhaps they think the teacher isn’t teaching as well as they should be. Regardless, parents are now worried about what to do to help their children in school. Today, we are going to discuss specifically how academic achievement relates to substance use.

High Academic Achievement is listed as a Protective factor, which is a factor in a child’s life that makes them less likely to use substances. However, LOW academic achievement is also a risk factor so we are actually going to be addressing both a risk and protective factor in this blog.

When students do well in school they are less stressed, better connected with peers and teachers, and have happier parents. So of course, these things make them less likely to feel the need to use substances. Also, students who have high academic achievement probably have strong self-efficacy and believe in a bright future. These are also protective factors that prevent substance use. It’s easy to see why if a child is doing well in school they are less likely to use substances.

Let’s talk about the children who aren’t doing well in school though. We know that low academic achievement is a risk factor among youth for several reasons. Some students may believe that because they are failing a class or struggling it may mean they aren’t smart enough to have a bright future which can be a heavy burden when thinking about life after high school. Low academic achievement may also cause stress between students and their families, especially if parents are upset about the way students are performing, this could weaken the family bonds. We also have to consider that stress itself is a risk factor, and for some students school is stressful and hard.

I think it is pretty easy to see the reasons that academic achievement can have an effect on youth substance use, but I feel like the real question is what can we do about it? Let’s begin by discussing what can you do if your child is doing well in school and has high academic achievement. If you will recall from the family bonds blog, the way we strengthen family bonds is through opportunities, skills, and recognition. If your child is doing well they obviously have the skills so we want to make sure that you are recognizing them for their hard work and efforts. Even if you have high expectations let them know that you are proud of them for meeting those expectations and make sure their hard work doesn’t go unnoticed. Also make sure to provide them with opportunities to continue to advance their skills, especially if school is something that comes easy to them. Are they ready to begin some college courses? Could you all read and discuss a book together? Are there other areas of life that interest them such as nature, government, or cooking? Encourage them to keep building skills and finding more opportunities for them to learn, this will strengthen their academic achievement in the future and help them be prepared for life on their own.

Now, for the more difficult situation to deal with. What can you do if your child is struggling in school or has low academic achievement? I think it is important to point out that all children are different and all situations are different so there is no one size fits all answer. I encourage you to start by doing 2 things. First, talk to your child. Ask them what is difficult or what they are struggling with. Is it a specific class, is it paying attention, are they struggling with something in their personal life that is affecting their school work? Next, talk to your child’s teacher. Ask questions. Why do they think your child is struggling in their class? Is it because they aren’t participating, are they sleeping in class? Do they suspect that your child might need additional help outside of class? Also, talk to other parents. Is this a class or subject that a lot of students are struggling in? After you have gathered all the information you can about why your child is struggling then it’s time to make a game plan. I would recommend sitting down with your child and discussing exactly what your expectation is for academic achievement and why you feel that way. Be reasonable. Is it probable or possible for your child to get an A in the class, or would you be okay as long as they earned a C? Is this class a foundational skill that’s going to affect their academic achievement in the future? Make a goal for your child. Then make a plan. One way to help your child is to set some rules and create a study schedule. Maybe they have to come straight home from school and study for 1 hour 3 nights a week before they can play video games. Maybe the schedule is staying at school to study in the library twice a week for 30 minutes after school. Do they need to cut back on their hours at work to accommodate more time for schoolwork? If sports are an issue, would it be best for your child to sit out a season while they focused on academics? Make a schedule that allows you to monitor. If you don’t get home until 5 from work it may not be setting your child up for success to expect them to study until you get home. Maybe it would be better for them to study from 5-6 in the kitchen with you while you cook dinner. There are so many factors that come into play, but make sure you are prioritizing the academic success, sharing expectations, and making a plan.

 If your child is struggling with a certain class or subject, ask the teacher if the school offers any tutoring. You can also ask the teacher if they would be willing to do private tutoring, or if there is another teacher at the school who teaches the same class that might be willing to tutor your child. Remember, teachers are highly trained professionals and always the best choice to tutor your child. If the school does not offer tutoring and there is not a teacher available then you may want to reach our to your local library or a professional tutoring organization. These can also be a great resource, but can be pricey.

I also want to address one more problem that I saw frequently as an educator. Some kids just struggle with school. It doesn’t seem to matter what the subject is because they just struggle with all of them. This could be a variety of reasons, but if your child falls into this category here are some tips. Meet with your child’s teachers and make sure they don’t feel there may be some type of learning disability. If there is any question, then REQUEST YOUR CHILD BE TESTED FOR SPECIAL EDUCATION. It is the law that if a parent requests this, then the school has to follow through with the testing. Don’t let it scare you, just because your child is tested DOES NOT mean they have to go to special education classes. Even if they do qualify for special education you do have the right to refuse it for your child. I do HGIHLY encourage you to have them tested though because the testing process is a process in which your child does lots of different assessments and can often identify why your child is struggling in school. Also, remember that not all successful people love school, and there are many careers that your child could pursue without attending higher education. Would your child thrive in a trade school? Are they good at working with their hands as long as they don’t have to sit down and read a book? Find something that makes your child happy and encourage them to pursue a dream that doesn’t require them to continue school after high school. Remember, belief in a bright future is a protective factor, so help your child see that future and not become overwhelmed by the pressure to succeed in a traditional school setting.

Risk Factor: Family History of the Problem Behavior

Risk Factor: Family History of the Problem Behavior

All our previous blogs have addressed Protective Factors, but this month we are going to take a look at a Risk Factor. As a reminder, risk factors are factors present in a youth’s life that put them at a higher risk for using substances. I prefer to write about Protective Factors because these are usually something we have a direct impact on and are things we can make an effort to change in our children’s lives. While some risk factors can be changed, others cannot. Sometimes I find myself thinking that if there isn’t anything we can do about it, then there isn’t a need to talk about it, and this isn’t necessarily true. If we look at the science of prevention, we know that we can reduce the likelihood of a youth using substances by limiting the number of risk factors in a child’s life and increasing the protective factors.

Today we are going to discuss the risk factor of family history of the problem behavior. This risk factor is simple, if people in a child’s family have struggled with a behavior such as substance use it is more likely that the child will also struggle with these same behaviors. This stands true for other problem behaviors such as teen pregnancy, delinquency, school drop-out, violence, and mental health issues like depression and anxiety. This could be caused by genetics, environment, or even the favorable parental attitudes toward the problem behavior. We’ve all heard the saying “you can’t change your family”, and while this holds true there are things we CAN do to limit this risk factor in our children’s lives. I encourage you to examine your own life and the lives of the family members who have direct and regular contact with your child. Do you and your family members set an example for how you want your child to behave? If yes, great! If not, would it be possible to change your own behavior? Or is it necessary to limit the amount of time your children spend with family members who engage in risky behaviors?

I understand that we can’t always change our families, or the people who are raising our children. I also know that sometimes we love people and want our children to know them. So if you fall into that boat, you may be asking what can I do? The answer is simple, BE AWARE. Know that because of the child’s family history they are at a higher risk for using substances. Increase the number of protective factors in your child’s life. TALK TO YOUR CHILD. Open the lines of communication. Talk about the problem or risky behaviors your family members have dealt with and how they have affected their lives. Tell your child your hopes and dreams for them and why it is important for them to make healthy choices. Watch for warning signs of substance use or other risky behaviors and intervene when necessary. No family is perfect; however the support of a family can help our children to live happy and healthy lives.

Strong Parental Bonding

Strong Parental Bonding

Protective factors are factors present in a child’s life that make them less likely to use substances. This month the protective factor we are discussing is strong parental bonding. Research shows that children who have strong bonds with their parents and caregivers are at a lower risk of using substances.

When I think about this statistic, I think about the why behind it. Why are children who are bonded to their parents less likely to use drugs? First, these children probably care about what their parents think and don’t want to do anything to break the bonds they have with them. Second, it could be because they feel they have support and trust from their caregiver, so they don’t need to turn to substances to handle their problems. Or it is possible that they look to their parents as role models and want to follow in their footsteps. I believe the reasons could go on and on and most likely it is a combination of many reasons that makes them less likely to use substances.

Most likely, you could have guessed that this would be a protective factor, but now to the part that gets a little trickier. HOW?  How do I build strong bonds with my child to prevent them from using substances? I think it is important to note that what may work for one child may not work for another child. It is important to meet your child where they are and recognize who they are to begin building bonds with them.

The Center for Communities that Care in Washington has a Parent Workshop called Guiding Good Choices. During this workshop the process of building bonds is broken down into 3 steps: Opportunities, Skills, and Recognition. These researchers suggest that the best way to build bonds with children is to make them feel like they are a meaningful and contributing member of the family. We must first give the children opportunities to be involved. This could be opportunities to be involved in family decision making, opportunities to be involved in the everyday tasks of taking care of a family, and even opportunities to spend time together. The next step is to provide the children with the skills they need to be successful when we give them opportunities. We must teach them how to do the tasks, how to make decisions, and how to bond peacefully with family members. Through giving our children the opportunities to be involved and teaching them the skills to be successful, this leads to the third step which is recognition. We must recognize our children for their positive contributions to the family. This could be through positive affirmations, a kind word, or even rewards of some kind. This lets our children know that we love and appreciate them and are thankful they are a part of our family. If you are interested in learning more about the process of strengthening family bonds I encourage you to contact us and sign up for our next Guiding Good Choices Parent Workshop.

Another way to build or strengthen our bonds with our children is through spending quality time together. I am completely aware of how difficult this can be, especially when the bonds are not strong. I encourage you to ask your children what they would like to do to spend time together. Of course, you may need to set parameters around their decision like a budget and schedule. You may be surprised at what they would like to do. I will give you a list of ideas of things that may be fun to do with your child and won’t cost a lot of money or time.

·       Bake a Cake Together

·       Take a Walk

·       Grow a Garden

·       Grocery Shopping

·       Do a Puzzle

·       Build Something

·       Read a Book

·       Watch a Movie

·       Rearrange the furniture

·       Visit a Park

·       Take a Drive

·       Attend a Community Event

·       Attend a Sporting Event

·       Play a Game

·       Plan a Vacation

·       Make a Dream Board

·       Shop at a local thrift store

·       Go on a Hike

·       Go swimming at a local lake or river

·       Go fishing

·       Go camping

·       Cook a Meal together

·       Start a new TV show together.

·       Decorate for a Holiday

Protective Factor: Opportunity to Build Skills

I was in college. My roommate and I had our own apartment. We both went to class, had jobs, and even paid our own bills. I will never forget the day I heard my roommate call back home to ask her mom to call and schedule her a doctor’s appointment. At the time I thought it was weird, but it wasn’t until later in my adult life I realized that this was a skill that my parents had taught me. I remembered vividly my mother telling me that if I wanted a haircut I could call and schedule the appointment myself. She told me what to say, practiced with me, and then stood there with me while I made the call. She gave me an opportunity to build my skills. 

As you learn more about protective factors you will find that many of them are connected and build upon each other. Today’s protective factor, opportunities to build skills, is one that is a foundation to so many others such as high self-esteem, academic achievement, self- efficacy, and bonding. It is so important that we give our children the opportunity to build skills so that they can feel needed as they contribute to our home.

Simply giving them the opportunity to build skills is not enough. We must first give them the opportunity, then we much teach them what they need to know so that they can be successful. I could tell my 3-year-old to do laundry and give him the opportunity by handing him all the dirty clothes, however that doesn’t mean he will be successful, and in this case giving him the opportunity would lead to much more harm than good. We must make sure that the skills we are helping our children build are developmentally appropriate and that we have taught them what they need to know to be successful.

When we give our children the opportunity to build skills, we are increasing their self-esteem and self-efficacy. Not only are we helping our child grow emotionally, but we are also preparing them for life on their own. If you are having trouble coming up with ideas of skills to help your child learn I encourage you to first think about all the things that must be done to keep a home running smoothly. Grocery shopping, dishes, laundry, yardwork, cooking, cleaning, and money management are just a few that come to mind. Are there any of these tasks, or at least parts of these tasks that your child could do or help with? You might just find that if you give your child the opportunity to build skills you may even have more time to do the things you would like to do!

I encouraged you earlier to consider household chores and help your children build skills in these areas. I also encourage you to help your children build skills outside the home as well. Below you will find a list of skills and ideas for things you or someone you may know could help teach your child.

·       Babysitting

·       Laundry

·       Washing Dishes

·       Budgeting

·       Making Phone Calls

·       Introductions

·       Making Plans

·       Cleaning

·       Public Speaking

·       Making a Menu/ Grocery List

·       Wants vs. Need

·       Run Errands

·       Making an Appointment

·       Crocheting

·       Sewing

·       Hunting

·       Yardwork

·       Gardening

·       Canning

·       Driving

·       Computer Skills

·       Reading

·       Time Management

·       Organization

·       Conflict Resolution

·       Self-Advocacy

·       Exercising

·       Fishing

·       Camping

·       Cooking a Meal

·       Volunteering

·       Training Animals

·       Photography

·       Decorating

·       Crafting

·       Auto Maintenance

·       Poetry

·       Playing an Instrument

·       How to say “No”